Transforming My Identity Through the Cancer Healing Journey

When I received the diagnosis of B cell Lymphoma, I knew there were upsides and downsides to it. This particular type of cancer is one of the most treatable and tends to have good outcomes. Even in knowing that, the fact that the cancer was stage 4, because it was in my bones and below my waist, it felt like a crushing blow. I knew I was going to have to do more than chemotherapy to completely rid myself of this disease. I had to become a different person. A person who's body cancer could not inhabit.

The cancer started in the lymph nodes of my neck. I knew from my understanding of the energy centers of the body (the chakras) that the lymph nodes corresponded to the throat chakra or the 5th energy center of the body. I became aware that I had a pattern of silencing myself, not speaking my truth, and not saying hard things that needed to be said at times. I tended to get very quiet and reserved and held back, even when people said or did hurtful things to me. I decided to shift this energy by fully owning my voice, my personal truth of who I am, and speaking my truth in whatever needed or felt to be said.

While most of my training and background as a nurse are in Western mainstream medicine, I know enough about the complexities and layers of the human body and the awareness of Eastern medicine's philosophy to see health as a result of tending to the terrain, much like taking care of a garden. Weeds, pests, and blight can impact the health of a garden, but tending to its soil and roots helps the garden plants to thrive and produce good yields of fruits. In the same way, I intentionally focused on all the aspects of my being (body, mind, spirit, and soul) to create an environment that would foster health, well-being, and bounty. I chose to use the symbol from nature of the butterfly to remind me of transformation, new life, metamorphosis, and letting go of the old way of being. I went a bit over the top with the butterfly theme, and it helped me to have a concrete symbol to focus on as I noticed so many changes, some hard and some beautiful, in my body. I wore a butterfly necklace almost every day, especially on the days I went to my chemo treatments. I wrote a poem about a butterfly. I found a lovely puzzle in the shape of a butterfly and put it together to help me pass the time while I had very little energy to do much. A family friend even painted me a gorgeous painting based on the print of the butterfly from the puzzle. My mother is a trained artist also, and she is painting me a picture of a swallowtail butterfly for my living room.

I also got to release some newly emerged butterflies in the backyard at my brother's house while he and his family were gone. My mom filmed me opening the jar where the butterflies fluttered frantically looking for a way out. As soon as the jar was opened, they flew away in a rush of color and speed up toward the blue sky.

Remember, butterflies do not magically sprout wings while in their chrysalis. A caterpillar actually has to completely dissolve into a mass of goo before it becomes a butterfly. It leaves behind and surrenders it's entire being before emerging as the wonderous butterfly with delicate wings, slender body, and outstretched antennae. When you desire a transformation of your own life, you must recognize that it will involve leaving behind old ways of being, thinking, acting, and knowing. You will have to become acquainted with what is unfamiliar, unknown, and sometimes even uncomfortable. For real transformation to take place whether that is in a new career, a new relationship, or a new identity, it requires nothing less than releasing the old and embodying the new way of being.

Are you ready to take on one of the greatest journeys for your own life? The journey to becoming your best self or perhaps transforming into a entirely new person with a new identity? If you are feeling the pull to find your wings and spread them to take flight into the beautiful and free sky beyond, I'd love to come alongside you to support you in your own personal journey and to serve as your guide. Contact me through email or schedule a free discovery call with me to get started.

You can email me at: lydiahayden.coaching@gmail.com